There are some phrases that just don’t sit quite right, and behaviour management is one of them. Many people have tried to manage my behaviour over the years, and in most cases, they’ve failed at that ambitious task. Why? Simply because we didn’t have a relationship.
For most of us, including children, those who influence how we behave are the people who genuinely care for us. They are the ones who lean in and ask, gently yet powerfully, “Are you okay? You don’t seem yourself, and I’m worried.” And this is where the challenge lies. The children whose behaviour we are often trying to influence are the very ones we’ve unintentionally lent out of relationship with.
This is not to say that all behaviour is acceptable or should be approved of. Some behaviours are clearly not okay and we could easily list them. But there’s strong evidence to suggest that if you want to make a real difference, the key lies in maintaining, and even strengthening, your relationship with the child.
We know that teachers can nurture warm relationships in many small ways: by responding sensitively to children’s needs, engaging in emotionally supportive interactions, and listening with genuine attention. These everyday moments have been described as 'banking time' investing small, positive moments with individual children, especially those who are often overlooked or viewed negatively. Even two minutes a day can make a meaningful difference.
So, next time you hear the phrase behaviour management, consider reframing it as relationship management. Because that’s where your greatest impact will be found.
