Yep, you read that right. Are you an over forgiver? Particularly in situations where you should have been firmer. Forgiving is not a problem but over forgiving well that’s a different kettle of fish. I have met many people who live their lives to please others at the expense of their own well-being; individuals who over forgive in situations where they should have been firmer.
Why is this. Well like many things there is no one answer but let’s give it a go
• You like to be liked at the expense of self-respect
• You avoid the conversations that need to be had because peace seems like the easiest path to travel
• You learned that speaking out makes you a troublemaker so you quiet down when you shouldn’t
And the list can go on and on. But I want to shift the focus here from the why to the what. So here is what you can do to stop being an over forgiver:
• Pause before you say “it’s ok.” Ask yourself, am I truly at peace with this, or am I just trying to keep the peace?
• Set boundaries early and clearly. Forgiveness doesn’t mean unlimited access to your time or energy.
• Recognise patterns. If you’re forgiving the same behaviour repeatedly, it’s time to reassess, not excuse.
• Reclaim your self-respect. You can be kind and firm at the same time; compassion doesn’t require self-sacrifice.
• Practice saying no. It’s one of the most powerful acts of self-care you’ll ever learn.
Being forgiving is generous. But being an over forgiver often means giving away parts of yourself that you can’t afford to lose. The goal isn’t to become less kind it’s to become kinder to yourself first.
